I've been holding this in awhile

I know I've been MIA the last couple of weeks. It has been pretty busy here in the hive and I've not only needed time to get all of the business taken care of, but also to process it. I'm a MAC. I have to process things before I can understand them and, I've said it before, when I get overwhelmed I have to re-boot. This started out as a normal post but somehow turned into a letter of sorts without it really meaning to. Writing it out has been really cathartic though.

There is SO much to say about the last two weeks. I have literally been consumed with this. I can't get over the things going on and more than anything I feel like I'm having to choose between my family & my family. I can't be in two places at once. And I hate it. I can't focus on the tasks at hand becasue I've never been in a situation I couldn't at least half-way get my mind wrapped around.

Bug and I took a last minute trip to California to help my mom take care of some family issues. Instead of slopping you all through the mud and muck that is my family, I'll just say that I understand how overwhelming caring for someone can be. I totally get becoming tired of dealing with caring for an elderly person. I can't imagine what it must be like to have to care for your own parent as if they were a child, all by yourself. Where I begin to get hazy is letting things get so far out of control without asking for help. The truth is some elderly people are like children. Would you let a child walk around running into things and falling over things because they cant use their glasses because the RX is bad? Would you watch a child's teeth fall out and do nothing? NOTHING?! Would you let a child's room become so layered in filth, you wouldn't sit down in it or walk into it without shoes? It is our bad for ignoring it. We were across the country with our heads in the sand pretending everything was hunky-dory. But only, ((ONLY!!!)) because we were told you had everything UNDER CONTROL. You guys didn't need us butting our big-noses into everything. Fine. We left. And at some point it became more than you could handle and because you chased us off, you had no one to ask for help. Nor do I believe you ever would have. So, yes, our bad for ignoring the situation. I know you've done what you have thought was best. But your bad for not asking for help when it was so DESPERATELY needed. The SADDEST part about all of this, is this little tiff you and mom had was over paying a "maid" TWENTY-FIVE dollars. This whole not-talking thing is about twenty-five LOUSY dollars that, from what I've been told, was never even ASKED FOR by the "maid". The only person, the ONLY ONE, who has suffered from your misplaced anger at a shitty situation is Grandma. She has paid because you couldn't just call and let someone know you were in over your proud head.

That is all.