Road Tripping - A Forward

My whole life has been spent in a car driving some where. From the time I was eighteen months old until I was five, we lived out of a yellow Ryder truck; traveling across this great nation of ours. In fact, before I was five, I had experienced more of this country than most do in their lifetimes. We often lived hours away from our family and many of the weekends in my youth were spent in the backseat driving to and from their houses. The amount of time spent in the car only increased as I became a driver. Now, eight or nine cross-country trips in a car under my belt, I feel it is safe to say that being on the road is like being "home" for me. Yes, even with a fifteen month old.

As you may have guessed, we drove to visit our family for our holiday vacation. It is a "quick" sixteen hour drive down I-40. Simple. Two lefts and a right, we like to joke. Having wasted four hours on our way there stopping for the benefit of our not-so-thrilled child, we decided to over-night-it on the way back. Some how I wound up with the worst part of night driving, the midnight to daylight shift, and I found it oddly cathartic. The drive to J's family home in Arizona takes us right through a portion of my life history. A lot of what happened in that place in my life made me who I am, yet for all the Megs-shaping that took place then, I rarely discuss it and think about it even less. But when you are driving in the middle of the night, through a city that was at one time your home, reflection is unavoidable.

Before we left the house in Arizona, J and I were dreading the drive. "This is gonna suck!" was repeated more times than I could count. No amount of telling ourselves how "quick" the drive is was going to get us over the length of time we were to be in the car with the kid. "Well, we can leave tomorrow," I said, "But it's still going to suck then too." I know this from personal experience. One time, on one of our many trips to my grandma's house, my little brother decided he didn't want to leave. He ran to a near by olive tree orchard and hid in a tree while my mother frantically searched every where for him. Right before my mom called the police, my cousin came clean and they found him a short while later. Not only did he still have to leave, but then we spent the majority of the car ride home listening to my mom's lecture on the days activities. Luckily, for me J agreed instead of hiding and a little while later we were saying good-bye to his family and pulling out of the driveway. I suck at good-byes. I cry every time. I hate how far we are from every one and even a well placed family drama can't deter me from the mom-guilt of having my child thousands of miles away from her family. Bug, either remembering the torture of her last sixteen hour ride in the car or instinctively knowing she wouldn't get to play with her Papa or her cousins for a long time, screamed for the first two hours of the drive, until she tired herself out and finally fell asleep. J drove for five hours and when it was my turn I downed a five-hour energy and turned on my road tripping music. By the time J was sound asleep in the passenger seat, I was well into a bag of chocolate peanut butter bugles and my reflection time.

I have stated before, besides the daily mess that is life, I am fairly happy with where I am at and who I am in life. When I think about all of the events that have unfolded in my life, I truly appreciate my life. My husband. My child. My family. Things haven't always been great. At some points things have been down right unbelievable. I've had a hard go at it. While I was driving and reflecting, I decided to share some of my experiences here. They won't be easy to write, but I think it's time to get rid of some this. If you'd care to take a ride, get in and buckle up. It's going to be a bumpy ride...

Remember me??

I used to be the girl who wrote here. I had witty, clever and thoughtful things to say ((or so I thought, anyways)). I would sit in the morning with my big ol' cup of coffee - mostly creamer but I like things sweet - and type away. I couldn't find me for a while. I lost that girl but I think she's back. Hope so, anyways. Writing has always been cathartic for me and yet I always stop doing it when I need the therapy the most. Go figure. Silly, girl.

December has been one crazy month. Is it really only eight days to Christmas? Didn't we just have Thanksgiving? Sugar Bee's Engraving participated in the Christ Kindl Markt on Ft. Sill the first weekend in December. Then we had our Holiday Open House here in the store ((Where I sit at the moment)) last weekend. This week has been filled with finals, order filling, baby appointments and Doctors appointments for me. Monday after my fifth - and very painful - migraine in two weeks, I made an appointment. Actually, I made two. One to see my doctor and one to have a consult with a chiropractor. Anyone want to take bets on which was the most effective? Tomorrow I have five orders to fill and then in less than 48 hours, we are leaving for a much needed ((and deserved)) Christmas vacation.

For nine beautiful days, Bug, her dad and I, will be in Fort Mohave, AZ visiting J's family for Christmas. We were there last year but our Christmas was marred by the tragic death of J's sister in a house fire. It's amazing what a funeral can do to a holiday. Of course I was sad but I had never met her. She was still my husband's sister; the aunt of my child she never got to see. But I was really disappointed. It was Bug's very first Christmas and instead of spending it in our Christmas pj's, drinking hot chocolate and watching A Christmas Story for the ninth time, we were waiting to hear from the funeral director. The day wasn't all bad though. My little brother had gotten in on his mid-tour leave from Afghanistan and my mom flew him right to me for Christmas. A thought that still makes me cry. At the start of all of it, I thought for sure we would have nothing good to remember about Bug's first Christmas. But when I look at her baby book all there are, are pages of her with people who love her. Obviously, we hope this year goes a little better. Buggie will have a blast this year. She is old enough to actually open presents. Not only that, but there are three certain little girl cousins I have a feeling she is going to be ecstatic to play with. There are four of them, born in a two year amount of time. She's going to have a blast! I'm also excited about the prospect of doing nothing for nine days. I can't work because I won't be at home where my tools are. I don't have to worry about school until January 10th. And everything else can just wait. After these last few months of going, going, going, I wonder if I will be able to handle doing nothing. Probably not.

Well, I think that pretty much catches me up. For now. There's customers in the store so I'm going to go. But that was nice. I've missed this bloggy girl.

Epiphany

I'm at the store. This is the first time in weeks that I haven't sat here and stewed on things. Things have been selling the last few days and, actually, this will be the first month Patty has to pay ME for having stuff in here. I came to conculsion this morning. Actually it was more of an epiphany: I have stressed the joy rght out of my hobby business. Four days ago J and I decided that December didn't matter and that Jan 1 it would all be somewhat over. I accepted it. I let go of everything that 'could be.' I relaxed about all of it and decided not to care. And now I'm making sales. My practical side is wondering if it's a coincidence. My other side is thanking God for reminding me I can't really control anything.

This morning, while making some pendants, I actaully ENJOYED what I was doing. I was smiling and finding pleasure in my HOBBY.

Weird.