The "B" Word

I have never had a proper education on the correct way to live on a budget. When I was a child my mother used to play "checkbook roulette" and talk about the nasty "B-word". I don't blame the woman for her poor money handling. She was a single-mother working 90 hours a week to keep a roof over a heads. She had no help from my "father," except for here and there when he decided to send a child support check. She did what she had to. I just wish "checkbook roulette" was not something she had to do.

In High school, they do not teach the importance of personal finances & savings, and using your credit wisely, instead I learn the importance of COSINE. Let me tell you how many times I have used COS in my adult life: Nope, can't think of once.

After high school, I didn't go straight to college. Instead I joined the ranks of the Engaged & Under Aged and got married. He had is fat grubby fingers controlling every little aspect of my life. He made the budget, I guess, then gave me the money he thought I should have. The good thing was that we managed to set a good foundation to begin my credit, the bad thing was that when we divorced -- a couple of years later -- I was let loose on a world full of plastic, with no job and NO idea how to handle it.

The next few years of my life were some of the hardest of my life. I was constantly behind on what few bills I had and at one point was living like a bag lady, out of my car and crashing at friends houses. Then one day God smiled at me and introduced me to J, who eventually became my husband. He had a previous few years that are relatively typical for a single guy in the military. They are so typical I don't even have to list them. He wasn't as bad off as I, but together we made a pretty sad pair. Credit wise.

Since we've been married we have struggled to pay things off that have haunted our credit reports individually for years. I think we have done pretty well. We have managed to pay quite a bit of unnecessary things off. I think we are both down to one or two things that aren't our house & our vehicles. One of mine is a student loan. What we haven't managed to do is create, follow & live by a budget.

The "B" word. Strikes fear in my head and makes my brain go from smart to empty at the same time. In my family, dropping the f-bomb may have gotten you a stern glare or a smack upside the back of your head. But the "B word"... It was like blaspheming the Pope inside the Vatican. When I think about how it was always referred to the "B" word, I understand why I never made my finances a priority. Who wants to learn about something so... scary? Seriously, just typing about it makes my stomach queasy. But it is time. I have lived so long in fear of the "B" word. I am adult. I cannot go on this way.

Today, I made an oath to myself: After the daycare is up and running, our finances will be my number one priority. I will be making too much money ((at full capacity)) not to stockpile money in savings and get rid of whats left of our debt. I no longer want to be in the situation we currently find ourselves. I can help my family. And I will.