My First Lesson About Motherhood

Before I had Bug, I was kind of hoping - No, confident - that she would come out and latch on with no problems or guidance needed from other parties. I had it all planned in my head: she would come out a perfectly pink little angel and latch right on and the doctors would congratulate me on not ripping and for my brief painless birth. It turns out denial is not just a river in Africa, It's a large compartment in Megs' head where she likes to go and play when she's about to experience something completely unknown to her. The birth wasn't all bad. For a first time mom I did have her fairly quickly and I managed to get through contractions until my water broke and then I politely asked for the epidural between sobs of pain.

They cleaned her off and weighed her while the doctor spent 45 minutes removing placenta and sewing me back to normal. She was a big kid at 8Ibs 8.5oz and on top of that she came out with one of her arms bent at her ear like she was stretching and got "sucked in." When they handed her to me, she looked at me like, "Are you kidding me?!" and then we both started to cry. Shortly thereafter, J left to run home to change, the doctor left for another birth and the nurse left for shift change, leaving me completely alone with a screaming child. Alone with this little person, I tried all I could do to get her to latch, and then I did what all adult women do when life gives them something they can't handle. I started to cry. Thankfully, a few minutes later the night nurse came in and asked why I was crying. I think I choked out, "I can't even feed my baby." Right then J walked in. Suddenly I wasn't in it alone anymore. She picked Rylee up and turned her, then walked out of the room and came back with a nipple shield. This made Rylee latch right on, but by then she was so hungry she didn't want my nipple. She wanted food and she wanted it now. When that didn't work, The nurse brought in an eye dropper and 2oz of formula and explained that it was important that we not give her more than 10cc's. Bug oikned down the small amount almost in one mouthful. She burped and then continued to scream. J and I kept trying to nurse her but she was too mad. We didn't give her anymore formula because we were explicitly told not to. By midnight, the most beautiful thing I had ever seen was making me wonder what we had gotten ourselves into. She had literally been screaming since her birth at 540pm. The nurse came in and said that she would take her so we could get some sleep. That was three hours and fifty minutes of the most amazing, rejuvinating sleep I have ever had. When I woke up, for the first time, I felt the mom-fear. I couldn't figure out what was wrong with my baby, what would I do when we left the hospital? I was sitting up waiting on the nurse, wondering what I would do when I was alone, when she brought a quiet Bug back in at 4am. She handed her to me and said, "She was just hungry. She ate 40cc's of formula." I looked at her and said, "Well I could have done that!" It was right then that I decided to follow my instincts.

Now, when family or friends are pregnant that is one of the two things I tell them. People were going to tell you to do it their way, but just because it is their way, doesn't always make it right, for your baby. If you think your baby is hungry, feed it. Do things the way you feel is right. God gives us Mom-insticts just for this reason. We know our babies better than anyone else can.


*Bug at 4am when the nurse brought her in. When I first got to really look at my baby*